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Mafia Gazette Past Issue 134
The Mafia Gazette Issue 134 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Sunday 13th May 'KIDNAPPING PROBLEMS ' A new problem appears to have developed, mainly in the West, it seems that the Made Men who reside there are becoming bored and instead of heading down to the local bar or spending a few hours down the bookies or slots to keep the boredom demons away.. they have taken to kidnapping for fun! These mades are reported to be driving round the streets, grabbing low ranking crew members, stuffing them into the back of a van at gun point and driving off with them. Once they have captured these poor victims, they take all their money and possessions, beat them senseless and kick them to the curb. To make things worse, it seems that these poor gangsters are often members of the kidnappers own family. If this is how they treat family, you would not want to be considered an enemy. Las Vegas Capo, JBauer, came to the street to speak of his shock and disgust of the current behaviour of these so-called respected men. Telling the crowd he could understand kidnapping a friend to make sure you have it down to perfection for when it matters. Then apologising and releasing them without harming or robbing them. However sees these current actions as nothing better than the random mugging of a thug who doesn't know better. He goes on to tell the crowd how he often invests in the new comers of the community, giving them his time, advise and a few dollars from his own pocket. Only to find them staggering back into head quarters, beaten and penniless or worse littering the streets of his fair city. The Gazette caught up with JBauer after his street appearance, he told the Gazette, 'I would just like Made Men to recognise such behaviour rightfully undermines their respect within our society. Once we cross over to Made Men we have an example to set and a moral high ground to uphold. It can only act to damage your own reputation by stealing from a person who has no means of protecting themselves; they are no better than muggers.' It is not something that the family heads will be prepared to tolerate as it gives both them, and the other mades of the families a bad name. 'EAST V's WEST ONCE MORE ' Last week we saw another case of the age old East verses West as New York Capo, Moustachio along with a few others, planned an attack on Boss, MrValentine. The Leader of the Criminals Under Ninja Training, LV, recieved a tip off of the imminant attack on him and his family. MrValentine prepared for war. On Wednesday, the Clientele gathered in Chicago soon followed by the arrival of MrValentine. The war broke out in Made Woman Portia's home city of Chicago. Where she was quietly sitting at her desk busily working on the lottery entrants and sipping a freshly made coffee. As the gunshots began outside her head quarters she sent her bodyguards to keep watch at the doors and windows, while she carried on doing her paperwork. Suddenly one of her bodyguards dropped dead where he stood.. It was later presumed that he dropped dead of fright at the sight of the fighting outside as no gunshot wounds were found on his body and there were no witnesses to anyone attacking him. Bodyguards of both sides began to litter the streets of the usually quiet city of Chicago as the day went on, with no serious injuries to either side. Moustachio was the first to be seriously hurt, as he fled back to New York, as did fellow shooter MarcoTallini, where he was admitted to hospital, where he later died. Leaving Sorteh to finish the fight alone, commended for his courage on not running with the others, however it was not enough as he soon ended up taking a swim. Having taken out his attackers, MrValentine took care of all other New Yorkers in his sight before allowing the West coasters to be lead into New York to attack the rest of the Clientele. This action saw high rankers from both sides falling and many lives were lost. They then moved back to Chicago a few days later to take out Clientele Made Man Chez before heading back to the West Coast, the shooting subsided and thus the war ended, at least for the foreseeable future. MrValentine tells the Gazette, 'the issue is now behind me.' So we can only hope that there will remain peace for the near future at least. Condolences to all those lost on both sides from the Gazette. 'LEADERS OF DETROIT ' Late on Friday the 11th newly made man mono took to the streets to announce his new control over Detroit, promising the gathering crowd that he would take charge and change the city for the better. There was mixed response at the time of the announcement with some wishing the young man luck, whilst others in the crowd did not look quite so pleased at the news. His reign over the city of Detroit however, was relatively short lived as police discovered his body early on Saturday afternoon in the nearby city of Atlanta. It seems that former leader of Detroit, Li_thium, did not take so kindly to the news and went after mono. Lithium is rumoured to have shot mono near fatal before he managed to escape to Atlanta, where he was later found dead.. The Gazette spoke to Lithium to get the full story.. Lithium moved into Detroit last week and set up a Head Quarters there, he told the Gazette He found unwillingness from the easterners to accept him as new leader of Detroit and said 'As a respectful Mafioso I left.' He went on to say that he left for two reasons, firstly because he was not accepted and secondly because he had other issues outside Detroit which he needed to tend to. So he abandoned his HQ and headed back to Vegas. The very next day he is informed that mono has moved in before his seat was even cold, he still did not mind. However, on hearing mono's speech he felt that mono greatly disrespected him in not even mentioning him as former leader of Detroit, claiming that Detroit had not had a leader since the concepts. He admits to having a shorter fuse at the moment than he would perhaps usually have due to personal issues, however still feels that he was unfairly disrespected by mono. However does feel bad about killing the young made, saying that he wishes his son all the best in following in his fathers footsteps. 'THE LATEST G.A.Y MEN MOVEMENT ' On Monday the 7th of May, The Great Ambitious Young Men association showed the community that they are still around. Mob, the only remaining leader of the association following Tarby's absence, brought the G.A.Y Men into the central park, whilst wowing onlookers with his simply Fab-u-lous outfit.. Where he set up blankets and baskets and waited for the remaining G.A.Y's to arrive. Soon to be loured by the smell of the food were MrSmoke, Sab, Tie, Diablo and Monster. Who all sat on the blanket, each wearing the latest in fashion, although none quite on par to TieDomi's outfit, which could be seen from neighbouring cities. The picnic went down without a hitch as the G.A.Y's idly gossiped amongst themselves and exchanged fashion and hair styling tips.. and with no women gluing on moustaches and sneaking in this time. So perhaps we will be seeing more appearances from the G.A.Y's in the new future? Let's hope so.. outfits like those were meant to be shared with the world. 'LOTTERY RESULTS ' This Wednesdays winning lottery numbers were: 4, 8, 9, 19, 34, 47, 49 There were a whopping 15 winners! Each walking away with the sum of 2.5million each. The winners who don't wish to remain anonymous are: David_Serelli Prestance Ammoguy Vince-Cotroni GennaroAnguilo Mr-Joshua Thisbe The late great Sonny_Castelletti Saturday night's winning numbers were: 3, 6, 9, 12, 40, 43 There were 2 winners, each winning 5million dollars each: One of who was Shorty the other is still to be notified as he has been out of the country. A big thanks to Draw Master, Portia, for organising the lottery and the payouts. Keep those entries coming in 'OBITURARIES ' Sonny_Cast - Earner - May 13th, 5:54AM LeChuck: For fucks sake. WHAT ABOUT OUR ADVENTURE?! How rude. Leaving just when we get to the climax. May 13 5:54.33 AM You saw Sonny_Castelletti suffer a fatal wound while attempting to buy a gun. RIP baby. :( Portia: *Portia shakes her head and sighs* *She sits on the grass beside the grave picking daisies and flicking them onto the coffin* A bloody gun offer! RIP hun Richard: RIP my friend, It is a shame to see someone as high up in our crew go! Mono - Made Man - May 12th, 12:55PM Dark-side: RIP Sad to see you fall, I thought things where going well for you, alas it appears I was wrong. Sleep well. Li_thium: RIP Mono You insulted me, ran from your city, but i still respect you. I will always respect your offspring. Totally_Guitarded: RIP You were a good friend but I cannot say I am pleased with your loyalty over the past week or so. K_Bryant: RIP my dear friend *lays a black rose on his coffin* Contact me when you turn back.. You are one of my best friends. Ill always miss you and i hope you will come back soon.. Frank_Castle: Rest well, you did many good things. Your death could have been avoided with words...truly a sad day! Rest well Moustachio - Capo - May 2nd, 5:58AM MrValentine: Still don't see why you had to do it. I was no threat, and you pushed me into it. RIP comrade Pancrazio_Ricci: RIP Jazz, I hope you are doing the Techno up where ever you are. And I think we have an award for best comedian... DrMatelo with his hilarious comments, he had me in stitches. Tony-Sunami: RIP fella, I'm sure I'll see your kin running around the streets at night drunk as a skunk! *Lays a red rose down* Jimmeh: You led The Clientele with guts and charisma - my Father would be proud. You died fighting for the family for reasons I am unaware of, I am sure they were in the Clientele's best interests, either way - I salute you. Rest In Peace Jazz Vivid - Made man - May 2nd, 6:24AM Maya-Baily: Noooooo. Rest In Dear Peace my beloved Roberto. I will always remeber you. *Lays one tinted bullet on his coffin* MrValentine: a horrible way to go my friend, you done as all more than proud. RIP bro Arnold_Rothstein: Sorry to see anyone go this way. But especially you my friend. RIP Mate Homer: RIP Comrade You were one of a kind, and you will be missed by the West forever. Sorteh - Made Man - May 2nd, 4:08AM Vivid: You always a good friend to me,no matter what part of town you from RIp old friend, santo Moustachio: You did well man, im sorry i got you into this. RIP S_Rask: Cant be real, so sad to see you here my dear friend, say hello to my father Vincenzo up there. Charles_Manson: RIP mate, youre the best *Lays the Concept flag* 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Have a business? Horses? Anything you want advertised? The Gazette will advertise it here, absolutely FREE! Just drop Totally_Guitarded a mail with the details. The Gazette is back and looking for writers once more. If you have a flare for writing and wish to apply, either part time or full time.. drop by the head office in Chicago or simply submit articles Totally_Guitarded. Good rates of pay!